Forgiveness Healing Redemption Restoration

We are all on a journey. As someone who journals, my journey was written. My writing was raw,  I didn't journal in "code".

One day the Lord spoke to my heart and said "do you want your children to read your journals after you are gone?" ... I did not!

I remember the evening I made the decision to listen to the still small voice in my head. 

We are all on a journey. As someone who journals, my journey was written. My writing was raw,  I didn't journal in "code".

One day the Lord spoke to my heart and said "do you want your children to read your journals after you are gone?" ... I did not!

I remember the evening I made the decision to listen to the still small voice in my head. I started a fire in the fire pit in my backyard. Near to the fire I set up a lawn chair. On top of a cooler I placed a bottle of wine & glass. I stacked all of my penned journals next to the wine bottle. My entire life rested in the words I had written. As the fire crackled, I opened the wine and poured a glass. The tears began to flow as I opened the first journal. I read a few of the entries and tossed it into the flames.

As I watched it burn I sobbed. Was I doing the right thing? Had I heard the still small voice in my head correctly? Thinking, I took another sip of wine. It would take the whole bottle to give me the courage to complete my task.

I randomly thumbed through each journal before I tossed them into the fire. I did not understand what the Lord was asking me to do or why. 

I sat for a long time as I watched the last journal turn to ashes. As I stared at the ashes, my heart was as empty as the wine bottle resting by my feet. My whole life was now ashes! I remember getting up and walking away. At the time, it was simply an act of obedience. it had absolutely no meaning. 

As morning broke I was drawn to the fire pit. I had not slept well. I stared at the gray ashes and saw it was still smoldering. When I stroked it I could see the orange red flames trying to reignite as the ashes smothered them. I thought to myself "fitting" ... 

What are you trying to tell me Lord, I do not understand. In that moment a very small piece of paper floated from the burned pile of journals and landed on the ground in front of me. I picked it up and the only word left from the ashes of my life was TRUST ... 

It would take many more years before I understood the meaning of the day I burned my journals. 

I had no idea what the Lord was setting up for me with the burning of my life. When I put my total trust in Him , He showed me the beauty of my life from the ashes.

It has been a long journey to healing but when God healed my heart He reminded me of that fire pit and the embers that were no longer able to give life and ignite the flames the morning after I burned my journals. He told me the fire inside my soul has been ignited and would burn brighter than I have ever imagined! It would never be smothered again. My God is the God of love, forgiveness, healing, redemption and restoration. 

My journey is not over, but I have the assurance that as I walk my path, I can do so with a peace that passes all understanding. Walking beside me is Jesus!! All He askes of me is to trust Him with the details.